Lust

Lust. That's what I feel for him. I can't help it. I want him. I need him. He is like a drug, when he smiles my heart melts and when he frowns my heart aches. The guilt was to much, I couldn't be with someone and feel this way about another so I ended it. Yet, I feel no better. I long to tell him my feelings but, like most, I fear rejection. But that's not all, I feel...unworthy of him. He is kind, caring and has a heart of gold and what am I? Nothing. I don't deserve to be with him or to even cast my eyes on such an angel. I love him. That much I know but I don't know about him. He is unreadable. Occasionally I catch him staring at me or I see him look at me as I talk with an expression I've never seen before that leads me to believe I have a chance. But then he acts overly friendly and I despair. I suppose I have to accept that he is a dream I will never reach. I do, at least, have his friendship. Many lust over that, I see it in the eyes of girls as we walk down the halls. The jealousy and envy that they have towards me, just because he is my friend, is intense. I can understand why of course. His smile lights up a room, never have I seen someone grab everyone's attention like that and never have I been so pleased for someone to choose me to walk up to. Lust. It's uncontrollable and it is horrifyingly painful.